Conversations on a Go Board
by GrnEydDvl
Summary: Ochi considers his feelings as he watches Touya Akira and Shindou Hikaru play. Implied HikaAki


**Disclaimer: I do not own Hikaru no Go or any of its characters. I only own my own ideas.**

_Ochi POV_

Touya Akira is a pompous jerk. Sure, maybe he's good at go in a way that really shouldn't be normal, but so am I for crying out loud, and you don't see me lording it over people. (Except maybe Waya. And Isumi-san. And Shindou…Ok fine, I do, get over it.) But Touya, Touya acts like he _deserves _something. Like being the Meijin's son and having the longest winning streak in history and winning a title at seventeen is supposed to impress anyone. _I'm_ certainly not impressed. At least, not much. Maybe a little. Ok, _a lot_. Damn, I hate myself sometimes.

That was supposed to _me_ taking the go world by storm. _I_ was supposed to be the best player of our generation. And Touya Akira was supposed to grovel at my feet and tell me how wonderful I was and that he'd secretly been in love with me since the first time we played.

Because lord knows I've been.

The thing about Touya Akira that most people don't realize is that he's passionate. What most people see is this polite young man who turns into a dragon when faced with a goban, then, after he's utterly decimated you and left you for dead, leaves the room with this cool, uncaring attitude. Some people admire it. Some people are irritated by it. Few people know that there's more to him than that. I do.

I'm special. I'm the one who knew how obsessed Touya was with Shindou Hikaru long before it was cool. I'm the only one he showed his first game against Shindou to, and _I'm_ the one he picked as Shindou bait. Not that I should be proud of that. I'm actually still royally ticked off about it. But still, he chose_ me_! You would think that would earn me a second glance or something.

I've spent years, _years_, trying to get Touya to look at me with that passionate face again. Not his game face (we've had some official matches, I've seen it), or that cool, collected look that makes me want to both punch him and do unspeakable things to him in the bathroom, but his passionate face. The one he showed me when he was yelling at me about a game we just played, or when he was emphatically badgering me about Shindou's strength. He's shown that face to Shindou. I've _seen_ him show that face to Shindou, and it makes me want to strangle something every time. Because Shindou Hikaru, who came out of nowhere, somehow conned Touya into being his rival, which left no room for the rest of us.

I've watched Touya and Shindou play three games so far. Not the kifu (I've seen dozens of those, Shindou just _loves _to show them off), but actual games. The first game was at my fourth Wakajishisen. Shindou had somehow bested me in the semi-finals (I'm still bitter about that), so I watched him and Touya square off in the finals. It was the single most impressive thing I have ever seen. And I don't mean the game (the game was _average_. At _best_.) It was the way they talked to each other. Through _go_. I'd heard of high level players being able to do that, but I had never actually seen it. They were having a _conversation_ with each other. Right there on the board. Something about rivals and comrades and how this match was just a warm-up for their upcoming Ouza league game. It was a bit surreal. Waya was just staring at it like he had never seen anything like it. His mouth was hanging open (it was disgusting, really), but he looked the way I felt. Except he didn't. Because there was _no way_ that Waya felt the extreme jealousy that I did at that moment. Because Touya Akira, the man I love, was having a _conversation _on a _go board_ with _another man_. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the game, but I also couldn't leave the bathroom for a long time afterwards, and if people heard me crying, well, I had just lost a game, so there.

But the game made me _furious_. More than ever, I wanted to steal Touya away from Shindou. I like stealing things. I stole go tutors from my grandfather and the pro exam from Isumi-san. It makes me feel confident. So stealing Touya away from Shindou was going to be my greatest achievement yet.

The second time I saw Touya and Shindou play was about a year later. They were up against each other in the third round preliminaries for the Meijin league, and the record keeper had the flu, so they called me in at the last second to record the kifu. And they did it _again_ those jerks. They spoke to each other on the go board like this was a totally normal way for two people to communicate. Only this time, they were _pissed_ at each other. I mean, really pissed. They tore at each other's throats like they wanted to throttle each other. I had never seen so much anger in one place. It was a little intimidating to write the kifu down, but I left that game feeling pretty damn good, and when I overheard Shindou angrily tell Honda-san, "no, I haven't spoken to that idiot Touya in a week, so why should I start now?" I wasn't the least bit surprised. (But I did preen a little.)

The third time I saw Touya and Shindou play was in the last game of the Tengen title matches. Touya was defending his title against Shindou, and Waya thought it would be a great idea if "we all watch the game together so we can be there when Shindou takes a title from Touya!" Well, as much as I hate Shindou, I hate Touya more (I can love and hate the guy at the same time, it's totally a thing), so I went along with it. As expected, they had another conversation. Only this time, it wasn't a fight. It was a love letter. Their lust and desire for each other spilled out across the board like some lewd porno. Waya was red as a beet and Isumi-san eventually had to excuse himself. And I felt something break. I had lost. The only game that mattered, and I lost it.

No. That's not right. I didn't lose this game. I was never even playing it. Touya never even looked at me. Why would he? Not when he had found someone he could literally have sex with on a go board (in both meanings of the phrase most likely, because after all my wild fantasies, I _refuse_ to believe that Touya Akira isn't a total perv.)

So that's why I'm here, Shuusaku. At your grave, asking you to give me just a little insight into whatever the heck it is that makes Shindou Hikaru tick. So that next time I fall in love with a pompous jerk, I just may have the skills to actually win his heart.

**I sort of hate Ochi, but I when I sat down to write this fic from Waya's perspective, this came out instead. Now I think I hate him less :)**


End file.
